You haven’t even had your first date yet and he’s already asking you your favorite position.
What’s worse, it’s not even a rare thing anymore. It’s nearly every single time you start a conversation with a prospective date. Never mind the 3 date rule, you suddenly find yourself wondering if maybe a 3 text rule needs to be implemented sex before is brought up.
I get it. It’s insulting and it’s a turnoff and when you’re dating online, it seems to be happening all the time.
Where do you stand on this?
Before you think about his needs or what he needs to learn, where do you stand? What are your values and preferences around this? What are your boundaries?
I hear that you want to feel respected and seen as a woman. What does that look like for you? Is talking about sex off the table until the first date? Second conversation? Know your own comfort level about this.
Be clear about who you are:
If you’re not interested in a man once he brings up sex too early on, have a good standard response ready, one that reflects your boundaries.
- It was nice of you to say hi and check in but I am going to cut this conversation short. Talking about sex before our first date or before you even know my last name just doesn’t interest me. It’s clear we came to this site looking for different things. Neither of us will find what we’re looking for in this exchange. Have a good day.
Still want to educate him on what turns a woman on?
I get that you want to educate him about what really interests a woman. However, my bias here is that a man who leads with talk about sex really isn’t interested in what you think. He’s showing you who he is so believe him and move on.
That being said, I know it’s important for people to speak their truth and that part of that truth is not just communicating your lack of interest but that you find such talk so early on offensive.
If this is the case, be clear with yourself that speaking up is something that you are doing for you, regardless of whether or not it changes anyone’s mind or behavior.
Tell him what you want him to think:
- I know that we all come on here looking for or hoping for something. I know, too, that the internet can be a playground that lets us set the rules we want to play by. I just need you to know that I am not interested in talking any further.
- I was interested in getting to know you more because_____ and ____. However, before we’ve gotten past the “how do you dos”, you’re asking me____ and saying____ and I’m just not interested. That kind of commentary is_______ and I find it offensive. If you’re striking out with women other than me, this kind of talk might be why.
Communicate transparently.
What if you are still interested in talking but just not about sex? You have to be really clear on that and set your boundaries accordingly. If he respects them, then he gets the green light and you two can continue to get to know him.
